Weekend Fiction - Peter

This is a story I wrote in 2007; it's based on the last three chapters of the gospel of John.

Cold: That's what I remember most. It was bitter cold that day. It seems that I've been cold all my life. I remember the day I met Him. I was completely incredulous. This guy was the Messiah!? Yeah right. But then, as I was around Him more, I began to notice. No one could do the things He did. Who else but the Messiah could speak like this? As the weeks and months went by, my heart began to soften. It was true! This man from Nazareth was the Son of God! At least, that's what I believed at the time. Now I don't know what to believe. For three long years, I followed Him. What a fool I feel like now. Back here fishing, in this accursed boat!

They killed Him, they killed the supposed Son of God! Judas, He was the only one of us who wised up, there at the end. When the Pharisees decided to kill Jesus, he was the only one smart enough to get in on it. When it happened, I was ready to kill him. In fact, I drew my sword and attacked someone. But then He said, "Put that away! Don't you know that he who lives by the sword will also die by it?" I wish that I had been killed that night. When I look back at it now, I wish that I had taken the generous offer of Caiphas. 50 silver pieces! Do you know what I could have done with that kind of money? I'll say one thing; I sure wouldn't be out here in this stinking boat! I wonder what Judas did? I would have taken the money and got out of this stupid country. Three long years I wasted! It was just last week. Judas led them to the Garden, and then they hauled Him off. There was some stupid fake trial, and then, those 'righteous' camels turned Him over to the Romans. He was crucified. I was so angry, sad and upset all at once, I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.

Three days later, we were all hiding out when Mary came and said "The Lord is risen! Come and see!" I don't even know why I went to look. Morbid curiosity, I guess. The body was gone, but I wasn't about to believe anything about rising from the dead, though. I bet they were hauling the corpse off to Rome. In my mind, I could just see some big parade. They'd put the body on a wagon with a sign reading; "The King of the Jews" and marched it through the streets with some centurion proclaiming "This is how we treat the enemies of the Emperor!" Then, I snapped out of it. Some madman had stolen the body; probably Simon or one of his crazies. We dragged ourselves back to the house, and crashed. Suddenly, He was there! "Peace, be still" He said. I wanted to believe; there was a part of me that longed to bow down and worship Him. But no, I wouldn't be pulled in again. It must have been some kind of dream or something. I decided to pack up my stuff and go home. I mumbled some kind of goodbye, and a half-hearted offer to let anyone else that wanted stay with me for a while, until this whole thing blew over. John went with me, and a couple of the other guys from the area left with us. So, here I am again. I swore I would never go back, but here I am fishing.

Slow night. We hadn't caught a thing. As we were heading back in, I saw someone on shore. "Hey! You guys caught anything yet?" He yelled. "Why don't you try putting your nets out on your right side?!" I was going to just ignore it, but then John started struggling with the nets, and put them over the side. I knew he would never be able to get them back in the boat without my help, so I swore and started pulling them back in. It was like a dream, there must have been 150 fish in there. Then, I had a sense of deja-vu. I remembered Jesus saying something a lot like that. Then John said it. "It is the Lord." I snapped. Whoever this joker was, He'd just gone too far. I was going to teach him a lesson he wouldn't ever forget. I jumped over the side of the boat and swam to shore. "Come and have breakfast." He said. Who did this guy think he was? Oh well, I suppose I could let him have a last meal. I could always kill him later. Then, with a shock of realization, I saw it was Jesus. This time, I knew it really was Him. I stood there, speechless, all the events of the past weeks racing through my mind. What would He say? He knew that I had betrayed Him, He had to. We just sat there, in silence.

Then, He spoke. "Peter, do you love me?" I mumbled something and He replied; "Feed my sheep." Then, He said it again, and a third time. I was mad then. I swore and spat. "You know everything. You know that I love You." Again came His calm reply. "Feed my sheep." I sat there and stared at Him. Then, He went on. "When you were young, you dressed yourself, and went where you wanted to go. When you are old, someone else will dress you, and take you where you don't want to go. Follow me." It slowly sank in, He'd taken me back. Then I looked at John. "Lord, what about him?" He smiled. "What about him? If I want him to stay alive 'til I come back, what does it matter to you?" I smiled back, embraced Him and said simply; "Lord." Wiping a sudden tear from my eye, I sat down to eat.